Is there room for me at the table?
I see them laugh and wonder if they know about my secret.
Only I can hear the whispering.
It tells me I should move on,
Past the hidden conversations, manipulative snickering, and intolerable exclusion.
The bell rings.
I am meant for something more.
Really though, aren’t we all?
That was then,
This is now.
“What do you do?”
My thought hidden deep behind hazel eyes…
“Well… I eat chocolate every night, sing in the shower, and watch too much Netflix”
Instead, it seems the expectation of an answer meets the qualification of knowing…
I am meant to bring glowing life into the world,
Or to find power in the jungles of concrete towers.
So I pick my poison with pride,
With the knowledge we all have a choice,
And in this very moment I choose neither.
I am content discovering who I am in the present.
Love on my lips.
Paint seeping on canvas.
Words touching keys.
Don’t you see?
We are all meant to be an unbreakable force,
Fighting against the standards and opinions of others.
Peace comes with knowing one’s self,
During the height of change,
When flying against the wind.
Last night I was restless.
I dreamt of constant tornados crashing into the soil.
Yet, they blew past my home.
Left me safe to cry.
Teardrop on my cheek,
For the beauty I was scared to loose,
For the future imagined,
Meant to be lived,
Not told to strangers wondering about my destination.
Ask me “What are your goals?”
Go ahead I dare you.
My response will be,
“I am dancing with the gifts God gave in search for the most beautiful souls”
Women face an extreme difficulty when it comes to meeting society standards. One battle I have faced recently is the perception people have of where my personal and career goals are placed. I have talked to friends about this topic who are also going through the same experience. Some of us have followed our husbands because at this moment in our life it is the right thing. With this comes a challenge… work. People continue to ask “What are you doing?” like I should have some long answer to tell them of where I see my life in 10 years, or why I have chosen to get married at 22. This question has become a common way to try and relate, or understand an individual. It is meant to be a nice way for someone to say they care. Often, it is used instead by acquaintances/strangers as a competitive question in a quest for perfection or gossip. Why can the question not be “How is life treating you?”, “What excites you these days?”, or “What are your passions?”
The beginning of this post is written to simulate the anxiety felt when in middle/high school. This is a time where life becomes less pure and many fight their first battles to discover their true self. As a child, school was extremely difficult due to my dyslexia, so I always viewed my future career as a pinpoint to strive towards. I interpreted the challenges as a way to exercise my strength in reaching who I was meant to be. Life cannot be planned though, and I could have never predicted where I am today. I wrote this blog post because we don’t all have to fit into a mold. We don’t all have to be a stay at home mom. We don’t all have to be climbing the job ladder. We don’t all need a boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband/cat/dog/hamster. Let us just be content with life.
#Goals are great, but sometimes it takes some time to figure out where we are in the present, before discovering where we can go in the future. So this is for those who feel like they are meant to be someone, but need a little time the cherish who they are NOW. ❤